The sleet coming down sounds like a giant rainstick.
The Twenty Worst Things A Person Can Say December 28, 2007
1. “Cheer up it might never happen.”
Translation: I'm just some idiot who walked past you in the street and yet I already know so much about you and your life that not only can I interpret your facial expression but I feel qualified to comment about whether 'it' is likely to happen and whether or not that would be a good thing.
2. “You'd look much better if you smiled.”
Translation: Contrary to what you believe, your facial expression, and indeed your brain, are not your own property. While they are in the 'public sphere' you have a duty to your fellow citizens to maintain a facial expression that they would like to see. Also, I know that my opinion of your appearance is an issue very close to your heart.
3. “How do you manage to eat so much and still be so thin?”
Translation: I am so obsessed with my weight that I can't believe that there is someone who isn't secretly thinking about their weight all the time. I can't stand the sight of someone thinner than me eating, so I will continue to hound you until you confess to being bulimic / a junkie / in the gym for the 23 hours a day you aren't eating in front of me. I will comment about it any time I see you eating, and if you try to avoid eating in front of me that will just prove that you are anorexic, so I can then give you superior, 'concerned' looks. I can't accept that some people are just thinner than others, in spite of scientific, and indeed visual, evidence to the contrary, as I get all my information about such matters from 'women's' magazines that rely heavily on advertisements from the dieting industry and therefore don't want to encourage women to be happy with, or even resigned to, the size they are.
4. “If you can't say something nice then you shouldn't say anything.”
Translation: Just shut up.
5. “I'm sorry if you were upset by what I said/did.”
Translation: I'm not sorry, but convention demands that I apologise at this point, so I will do so in an annoying way that lets you know that I don't think I have anything to apologise for. It's so much easier than trying to argue my point of view in an intelligent way that might convince you that I was right. And it's so much more satisfying than actually admitting that you were right and I was wrong and apologising properly. If you continue to be angry at me then I will just point out that I have already apologised so you should just drop the matter. Even if you were right.
6. “What are you reading that for?”
Translation: I haven't read a book other than Mills and Boon since a) I was at school or b) I was at university (not to learn anything of course, just to please my parents and improve my career prospects). I can't believe anyone would read a book like that unless they were forced to. I am sure you would secretly rather be reading Take a Break magazine, you are just reading it to make yourself look more intelligent than me. I really hope so anyway. If you keep reading I will get very, very angry at you and accuse you of being elitist. How dare you read a book! What are you reading for at your age anyway? Once you leave school/university you should let your brain wither and die, like mine.
7. “It's easy to criticise.”
Translation: I've never tried to criticise anything intelligently, I prefer to blindly lash out with clichés. It's so much easier to produce bad art/music/writing and condemn anyone who criticises it. I believe so strongly that the worst art is superior to the most beautifully argued criticism that I have never examined this opinion or tried to argue why it is right. I just put down anyone who doesn't agree with it by saying that they are 'not creative'. Creative people are nice, anyone not creative is awful. Everyone should create things all the time, not enough stuff has been created yet, create more stuff please, just create anything, just blindly, mindlessly create, all of you. We shouldn't read/look at/listen to anything anyone else has created as this might distract us from creating more things of our own. And don't even think of expressing an opinion about something that someone else created. What gives you the right to criticise?
8. “You haven't given it a chance.”
Translation: I like this music/thing/situation and I will not accept that we are not all the same and that you don't like it. Also, I think only very, very slowly, so I can't believe you have formed an opinion in such a short space of time.
9. “Why do you have to be so negative?”
Translation: Just shut up why don't you? Didn't I just tell you to shut up? In spite of all the things wrong in the world I would prefer it if you only mentioned things that are nice. And I'd prefer it even more if you'd just shut up.
10. “Do you have to react negatively to things I say?”
Translation: I care so little about your opinion that I'd rather you just blindly agreed with everything I say, regardless of what you really think. Just keep your horrid little opinions to yourself why don't you. The fact that I speak to you doesn't mean I want to know what you think, it's just a reflex action which shouldn't be taken seriously. So either agree, or just shut the fuck up.
11. “I feel . . .”
Translation: I am about to express an opinion, but I fear that you may contradict me and I am not prepared to argue in favour of this opinion as I haven't really thought about it properly, so I'll say 'I feel . . .' rather than 'I think . . .' as that way you can't argue with me because how would you know how I feel? Anyway, feelings are pure and nice, thinking is so clinical and inhuman, and it's 'masculine' and therefore bad, women shouldn't think, they just know things intuitively and don't have to back it up with reasoning.
12. “That's your opinion.”
Translation: I have nothing to say that can add to or counter your opinion, I believe I can somehow undermine it just by labelling it as an opinion, and stating the obvious has long been a hobby of mine.
13. “I'm not racialist (sic) but . . .”
Translation: I am racist, but I suspect you're not, and I don't have the courage of my convictions and would surely lose any argument about the subject. I'm also rather stupid, and I think the phrase “I'm not racialist (sic) . . .” acts as a talisman enabling me to say anything I like, even something as preposterous as “I'm not racist, it's the niggers that are racist!” like that man in the pub in Camberwell. If you don't go along with my little ploy then I'll sneer at you for being PC (whatever that stands for), I can't imagine that you would have actually thought about racism and concluded that it is stupid and you disagree with it, I don't examine any of my opinions, so I presume you are the same and you are just pretending not to be racist to avoid offending people. The fact that you are going out of your way to offend me and the other racists in the room doesn't alter my opinion. Like I said, I'm a bit stupid.
14. “Have you swallowed the dictionary?”
Translation: Did you just use a long word? I don't use long words. Neither do any of my friends. Using words of more than two syllables is unnecessary. We don't need long words. Or words of any length that I don't yet know. No, we don't need subtleties of meaning, those words are just there to confuse people, and you are being deliberately perverse by using them. I'm not going to take it as a compliment that you thought I was intelligent enough to say something to me that was complex enough to require words not used in everyday conversation. And I'm not going to ask you what that word means, the way you did when you first heard it. I'm going to get very angry and accuse you of being a snob. Only a snob would think I knew what a long word meant, or imagine that someone deserved to be taught a new word.
15. “Hitler did/thought/liked . . .”
Translation: I know very little about Hitler or the history of Nazi Germany. I just think of Hitler as a trump card to use in arguments. Anything associated with Hitler must be Nazi in its very nature. If Hitler trained as an architect, goddamn it I'm going to say architects are Nazis. If Hitler had brown eyes then anyone with brown eyes must be destroyed.
e.g. My sister described something or someone as 'intelligent' in a university tutorial during a discussion that was in no way related to Nazism. Another student glared at her and said “Hitler was intelligent”.
16. “It's natural.”
Translation: I believe that anything natural is good and anything unnatural, or man made, is bad. I will continue to follow this belief blindly, although the way I live is very far removed from a 'state of nature'. Animals are natural, so is 'the rainforest', they are nice. Factories are manmade, and bad. The fact that adequate nutrition, birth control, paper, telephones, pets and other things that make my life bearable are not natural is something I quietly ignore, though its roar may be deafening to you. I will also ignore the fact that not everything in the world can be divided into 'natural' and 'unnatural'. What do you mean 'false dichotomy'? Did you just use a long word? Can't you just shut up?
17. “You just like that because you're trying to be different.”
Translation: You like a thing that I've never heard of! I feel sure I've heard of most things, I read the paper and watch television! You are just trying to draw attention to the fact that you've heard of a thing that I haven't heard of. You can't actually like it. I think it's awful, and I don't believe anyone thinks anything different from me. You're really just like me, you're just pretending you're not to make yourself look clever. Well it's not working.
18. “I used to think like that when I was your age.”
Translation: I have completely sold out any principles I once had. I call it pragmatism and I like to believe it was inevitable, otherwise I might feel like I was somehow responsible and I would have to face the fact that I have become the kind of person I always hated, or even worse I'd have to give up some of the comforts I have gained in exchange for selling my soul. To avoid opening this can of worms I'll just smile patronisingly and write off your views as some harmless, if childish, game that you'll grown out of, like I did. What do you mean you're older than I am?
19. “Grammar isn't important.” or “Only fascists care about grammar.” as some genius I met once put it.
Translation: I never bothered to learn those funny dots you put in sentences, although I had every opportunity to do so, and I'd rather you didn't know how to use them either. In fact I'd rather no one did, so we could all be equal, as being equal is good. So what if leaving some dots out changes the meaning? How important can the meaning be? Only a fascist would want everyone to be able to use their own language and therefore have the ability to argue with people more powerful than them.
20. “Why can't you be more positive?”
Translation: Shut up! Just shut up why don't you? I said shut up!
dream… December 27, 2007
A bunch of events unfold. It's the future. Somehow I know that what is going on is big. I mean really big. Maybe that's because I'm surrounded by scientists and mathematicians. Poof, we're all in one room talking and arguing about something. I remember standing there watching it all unfolding because I knew it had to be this way, I knew that whatever was about to happen, needed to happen in order to save the world. I don't know how I knew, but I did. I could feel it in my bones. Then poof, it was over, but it wasn't. Suddenly I was in the past again and I'm in the mall and someone spots Paige Matthews who just happens to be standing 2 feet from me. I acknowledge to myself that I don't feel star struck at all, but somehow I know my fate, so I seize the day and approach her. I just say hi and that it's nice to meet her and I keep on walking, but she stops me and we start a conversation. The next thing I know, she's inviting me to go swimming at her families (?) pool. I go. Flash forward, I'm in the room again, except I'm not. I'm in the next room leaning against the wall because I don't want the me in the other room to see me because it may alter events. I remember wondering who or what was in this room when this happened before. There's an older black scientist whom I have immense respect for and I know he must die too and I'm really sad about this. I feel only pride knowing that my death will save the world. I remember how it happened before, I remember the flashes from the explosion (?) and I remember that I didn't feel any pain. I tell someone this and then the dream ends.
see-through December 22, 2007
we're on our way back to school from gymnastics class
and only in boulder, colorado
my kids are singing john lennon's “imagine”
at the back of the bus
when jesse stops herself mid-verse
stretches her arm across the aisle like a sunbeam
tugs at the hem of my shirt and asks
what does hatred mean?
jesse's five years old
anything i say she's going to believe
but i realize i don't know the answer
i don't know what hatred means
i could guess and say it's the opposite of love
i could guess and say
jesse, hatred's why there are nothing but white faces
on our private-school bus
but jesse isn't white yet
go ahead and ask her
what color are you jesse?
well, it looks like i'm pink
shane thinks he's orange
skylar says she's tan
rhett says he's see-through
see, you can see how my veins are blue
but they're red when i bleed
and i wish there was no such thing as springtime
because i don't trust the machines
that will one day be planting seeds in these gardens
teaching them
some people are flowers
some people are weeds
rip the weeds by their roots
ignore their screams
tilt your own face to the sun
take what you want
you are the chosen onesSitting Bull said white people are liars and thieves
i'd like to tell jesse he was wrong
i'd like to tell her we didn't come like a time bomb
teeth built of bullets
gunpowder on our breath
that this land didn't weep when our feet
first mercilessly hit the ground
i don't want to say we drowned and maimed the children
sliced long strips of their skin for bridal reigns
i don't want to say the moon was slain
the constellations dispersed like shrapnel
mother's killed their babies
then killed themselves
when they saw our faces on the horizon
and all that we left was a trail of tears
but if i have to say that i want to say
the boats stopped there
i'd want to say the eaves never saw the sails of slave ships
never heard the sound of chain links
but jesse think slaughterhouse
think people branded suffocating foaming at the mouth
can you imagine what kind of pain you would have to endure
to throw yourself overboard 2000 miles out to sea
lungs gratefully engorged with saltwater
can you imagine being chained to your dead daughter
how many days would it take you to stop
searching her hands for lifelines
to stop searching her fingertips for memories of sunshine
to stop searching her wrists for a pulse
for just some sign of time turning backwards
to when you just knew
people would never do things like this
and jesse this
is not just a picture of our history
not just a picture of our past
we've been hundreds of years
measuring the size of their hearts
by the size of our fists
erecting our bliss
on the broken backs of dark skin
the present is far from gift wrapped
ask new orleans
ask mothers in the south bronx
chasing rats out of their babies cribs
ask the fathers of the kids
who's lives we exchanged for cheap gas
ask our prisons why jail bars always come in black
ask afghanistan palestine iraq
ask the women in thailand who's cancers build our laptops
ask the mexican man working in a field fertilized by nerve gas
ask his daughter when she's born without fingers
or hands to pray with
(ask me how long i could keep going with this list)
god might be watching
but we are not
you are white jesse
there are bodies dangling
from the limbs of your family tree
our people pull people from the soil like weeds
breathe in our story
force yourself to hold it in your lungs
til you can hear the hymns sung beneath white sheets
til you can feel your own finger on the trigger of the gun
feel yourself fire as they shout
do not look away as bullet enters heartbeat
now breathe out
this is where we come from
this is still where we are
now where will we go from here
i don't believe we're hateful
i think mostly we're just detached
but the math adds up the same
we can't call up the dead and say
sorry, we were looking the other way
there are names and faces behind our apathy
eulogies beneath our choices
there are voices deep as roots
thundering unquestionable truth
through the white noise
that pacifies our ears
the voices are clear
don't tell me we don't hear
don't tell me we don't hear
the moon being slain
the constellations dispersing like shrapnel
don't you think it's time
something changed
268118 December 16, 2007
Gah. I have my first urinary tract infection. bah. I never realized how uncomfortable they are.
blasted cat… December 15, 2007
Hemingway would not let me sleep last night. I felt completely brain dead for the first 2 hours I was awake. Gah.
Mercury in Mascara? Minn. Law Bans It December 14, 2007
By MARTIGA LOHN – 21 hours ago
ST. PAUL, Minn. (AP) — The quest for thicker lashes and defined eyes should get safer in Minnesota on Jan. 1, when a state law banning mercury from mascara, eye liners and skin-lightening creams takes effect.
Minnesota apparently is the first state in the nation to ban intentionally added mercury in cosmetics, giving it a tougher standard than the federal government.
Retailers who knowingly sell mercury-containing cosmetics in Minnesota could face fines of as much as $700. Penalties could reach $10,000 for manufacturers who fail to disclose mercury on product labels, according to the Minnesota Pollution Control Agency.
“Mercury does cause neurological damage to people even in tiny quantities,” said Sen. John Marty, the Democrat from Roseville who sponsored the ban. “Every source of mercury adds to it. We wanted to make sure it wasn't here.”
Most makeup manufacturers have phased out the use of mercury, but it's still added legally to some eye products as a preservative and germ-killer, said John Bailey, chief scientist with the Personal Care Products Council in Washington. That group doesn't track mercury in beauty products and favors a national approach to regulating cosmetics, instead of laws that vary from state to state.
Federal law allows eye products to contain up to 65 parts per million of mercury. The exposure a person would get from a product used in small quantities around the eyes would not cause a problem, Bailey said.
“It's added at very low levels, and for good reason,” he said.
No other state has specifically gone after mercury in cosmetics, said Stacy Malkan with the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics in Berkeley, Calif. Connecticut, Rhode Island and Louisiana ban products containing more than low levels of mercury, with some exceptions. New York and Illinois prohibit consumer products with mercury, such as figurines, toys and jewelry.
“Personal care products contain many problematic chemicals,” Malkan said. “Many ingredients aren't listed on the labels.”
Minnesota's cosmetics provision is part of a larger ban targeting better-known sources of mercury, such as thermostats, barometers, industrial switches and medical devices. The law also covers toiletries, fragrances and over-the-counter drugs such as eye drops, nasal sprays, hemorrhoid treatments and antiseptics.
State pollution regulators said they don't know how many beauty products containing mercury are sold in Minnesota.
The new law is intended as a warning to cosmetics manufacturers not to use mercury, said John Gilkeson, with the state Pollution Control Agency's toxics reduction program. Enforcement will happen mainly when consumers complain.
Using eye makeup with mercury is unlikely to cause immediate health problems, but mercury accumulates in the body, so consumers should avoid exposure whenever possible, said Carl Herbrandson, a toxicologist with the state Health Department.
“Mercury is bad, basically in all forms that get into the body,” Herbrandson said.
Mercury can retard brain development in children and fetuses, who are most vulnerable to the metal's toxic effects. But it can also cause neurological symptoms in adults.
Mercury fumes can collect inside a jar of skin cream or a tube of mascara, and a person could inhale them when the container is opened, Herbrandson said.
Imported skin-lightening creams and soaps with high levels of mercury have been found in other states; they are illegal under federal law. Herbrandson said skin products with mercury are more dangerous than mercury-containing eye makeup because people apply larger quantities to their bodies.
WTF!? What is this, population control?
