From my e-mail.
I laughed my ass off when I read this…
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old shout from the back seat, “Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!”
———–
On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, “The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.”
———-
A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to answer the phone.
“It's the minister, Mommy,” the child said to her mother. Then she added, “Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.”
———–
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, “What's the matter — haven't you ever seen a little boy before?”
———–
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. “Is that a dog you got back there?” he asked. “It sure is,” I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, “What'd he do?”
————
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
whispered, “The tooth fairy will never believe this!”
———–
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a
party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she
warned, “Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.” “And
why not, darling?” “You know that it always gives you
a headache next morning.”
———-
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his
church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer
that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his
five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead
robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed,
they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then
dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the
deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the
appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned
his version of what he thought his father always said:
“Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the
Sonnn….. and into the hole he gooooes.”
———–
A little girl had just finished her first week of
school. “I'm just wasting my time,” she said to her
mother. “I can't read, I can't write and they won't
let me talk!”
———–
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was
fascinated as he fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked
up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old
leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
“Mama, look what I found”, the boy called out. “What
have you got there, dear”? With astonishment in the
young boy's voice, he answered, “I think it's Adam's underwear…
